Many of the arguments I described are preventable simply by having clients convey their wishes clearly. Unfortunately, this is yet another example of how a simple thing is often not easy.
A lot of people don’t outline what they want because of the simple fact they don’t actually know what they want. Contemplating one’s demise can be nearly impossible for some and is uncomfortable for most. It seems so distant. Heck, we want it to be distant.
From what I have observed over the last quarter century, a nudge from a trusted advisor or respected family member or friend can get the conversation and the process started.
One way that this happens is the advisor or family member answers when opportunity knocks. This nudge can be far from gentle.
I don’t particularly care for it, but it’s a fact of life that bad things happen. At some point in time, something will happen to the reluctant client or to someone they know or with whom they feel a connection. The event can be a health scare, a fender bender, the death of a neighbor or old classmate, or a million other things. The event is like a slap, waking them up to the reality that these things happen and often prompting them to consider “what if.”
It is the slap effect that makes it a good time to re-engage the client on these issues. Everything seems more tangible and real and sometimes, a bit scary. The planning process can alleviate a lot of that anxiety.
The obvious downside to this is that waiting for a catalytic event is a crapshoot. While something is bound to happen, what and when exactly is unknown. The bad event could be a fatal heart attack or a debilitating stroke that leaves your client without the ability to think through the issues.
Fortunately, I have known only a few clients that needed to be jarred before acting. It is much better to initiate the conversation and revisit it regularly. You may need to be a bit of a benevolent nag.
By far, the most successful thing I have done to get people thinking about these issues is to simply talk about how these things affected other people. Rather than wait for an event, bring an actual event to life. Tell the true life story.
Have you ever settled an estate or arranged a funeral? Tell your story. The process had its stresses, didn’t it? Tell your client how you felt, when you were frustrated and why, what worked well and why, what made it easier or harder on you, and who made it easier or harder on you.