Other Personal Limitations
Yet sometimes an advisor's hard-to-admit limitations have less to do with knowledge than personal obligations.
Brittain Prigge, a director at Atlanta-based wealth-management firm Balentine, recalls a meeting with a nonprofit foundation's board of directors that went awry. "As we were walking into their fancy boardroom overlooking downtown Atlanta, my phone started buzzing," she recalls. "Naturally, I ignored it and began the meeting."

But her phone kept buzzing. She was the only woman in the room, and though she knew and respected the men-"seven high-powered attorneys," as Prigge describes them-she was self-conscious.

Suddenly, something clicked in her head. "I stopped the meeting, which was unprecedented, and checked my phone," she says. "My nanny had been rushed to the hospital, and my children were at a fire station waiting for me to pick them up. They were 3 and 5 at the time, and they were scared."

Tears welled up in her eyes. She announced she had to leave, and conscientiously shook every man's hand before walking out. "Not only did the men understand, but afterward they sent e-mails of concern about my family," Prigge says.

The lesson here is simply that, no matter how prepared you are, there are some things you can't help or control. Flexibility is crucial. And if something unexpected does occur, it's not the end of the world.

Encountering Accountants
But some conflicts are unavoidable. Jeff Gitterman, CEO of Gitterman & Associates Wealth Management in Iselin, N.J., has had many awkward encounters with his clients' accountants and attorneys. "Accountants and attorneys don't know everything," he insists. "I get into arguments with them all the time ... and I'm not argumentative."

For example, when a widowed client established a trust for her kids with funds she'd inherited from her late husband's Roth IRA, Gitterman found an error in the way her attorney and accountant had handled the transaction. The deceased husband had been over 70, he relates, and his wife was the sole beneficiary of the Roth. By law, a required minimum distribution should have been made before the funds were put into a trust.

"Who knows what the purpose behind it is, but that's the law," says Gitterman. "There were no taxes due, but she'd already gone one year without taking the RMD."

Gitterman brought the matter to the accountant's attention. By and by, the required amount was distributed retroactively. The client's attorney drew up papers for the IRS explaining the accidental oversight. All was well. "But there could have been a substantial penalty," says Gitterman.

To avoid unpleasantness, Gitterman is always careful to broach such matters delicately, "in a kind enough way that doesn't make the other guy look bad-especially because you could be wrong!" he acknowledges. "I'll call the attorney or accountant and say, 'I'm not really sure about this, you're the expert, but I read somewhere that Roth IRAs require a minimum distribution of deceased accounts. I'll forward the documentation I've found. Will you please let me know if I'm off base or not?'"