During his presentation at LPL Financial’s annual conference, David Richman showed advisors a video of a married couple, Art and Cindy Lansing, visiting a financial advisor. Art says he’s a do-it-yourselfer who manages the couple’s investments and questions why they need investing help. Cindy counters that input from an advisor could be helpful. At this point, Richman stopped the video and asked the audience how they would describe Art.

One advisor said “arrogant.“ Another said “defensive.” Another said “a control freak.”

When Richman, an advisor coach, and a co-researcher did workshops around the country during which they showed the video, most mainstream advisors responded similarly, saying that Art was “argumentative,” “resistant” or “angry.” But Barron’s top advisors, in workshops done exclusively with them, often described Art as “forthright,” “direct” or “honest.”

“When you start to think of this whole issue of Art and how you saw him, I want you to start thinking about whether you jump to conclusions too quickly,” Richman told the audience. “Do you prematurely diagnose people and does that lead you astray?”

“Conversations are always going on in our heads and they frame our mindset,” said Richman, founder of the Eaton Vance Advisor Institute, which provides insight and commentary for advisors.

Most people do jump to conclusions too quickly and judge others without asking enough questions and truly listening, Richman said. An advisor who asked more questions would have discovered that Art actually was insecure, he added.

The no. 1 skill of the most successful advisors is empathetic listening, said Richman during his presentation, “The Charismatic Advisor.”

How one asks questions and listens are key to being a charismatic advisor and building trust with clients, he said. “Are we asking questions in an agendaless way, or are we angling for an opportunity on how I can pitch someone?”

An advisor might try to build rapport with a client by asking about her golf game or new boat, but then start talking primarily about his own golf game or sailing trip. What the advisor did was to change the focus from the client to himself and “hijack” the conversation, Richman said. “When that gets too obvious, people smell it,” he added.

The most successful advisors work at looking at life from their clients’ points of view, and they try to figure out what they can say so that clients “hear” them, Richman said. “Charismatic advisors are masters of collaboration and tell clients ‘Together we will figure it out,’” he added.

He also cautioned advisors about being “too busy.” “Busy is a trap because we never have time to think about how we take our business to the next level,” he said.

What often keeps advisors busy, and distracted, is their e-mail, he asserted. “E-mail will suck you dry if you let it,” he said. Many people, including advisors, come in to the office and immediately spend more time with e-mail than they intended. They answer 15 e-mails, and before you know it, “you’ve let 15 other people reprioritize your day,” Richman observed.

The most successful advisors spend the most time on client relationships and see their work as a higher calling, Richman said. They are charismatic advisors from whom others gather strength, he said.

LPL’s Focus 13 conference continues through Wednesday. More than 5,700 people are attending, including 3,000 LPL financial advisors.