I’m sure you rarely, if ever, get the chance to ask someone why he or she chose a competitor over you. If you were able to ask, you probably wouldn’t get a straight answer, anyway. People would rather lie to your face than hurt your feelings.

I get to ask that question all the time. I speak at client events and I mingle with clients. I always ask each person I meet why they picked their particular advisor? When I know why they picked an advisor, I know why they didn’t pick another advisor.

I have only ever heard three reasons and they are obvious in retrospect. The answer is never because of the firm the advisor represents. It’s never about gender, race or ethnicity. It’s not about the way the advisor or the team manages money. The three reasons are much more basic: If someone likes you, trusts you and thinks you are smart, you get the account. If another advisor scores higher in those three areas, he or she gets the account.  As Marvin Brown says, tell me what I’m missing.

The moral is clear:  Make sure you come across as likable, trustworthy and smart.

Likability is more important than competence. We all do business with people we like. Yes, you must be competent, but if you are extremely likable, people will make allowances. If you are very competent but unlikable, you don’t have a chance.

Trustworthiness only becomes known over time and cannot be determined in one meeting. But people place a great deal of value on potential. They will develop a feeling about your trustworthiness in a very short period of time.

Likability and trust are self-explanatory. It’s the smart part that’s interesting. Smart is all about simplicity. It’s about making people understand you, but it’s not about dumbing down your speech. You know more about investing than the smartest brain surgeon in the world. You don’t dumb it down for the world’s smartest brain surgeon. You simplify. You put it in a language he or she will understand. People will think you are smart when your speech is simple, credible, concrete and emotional; in short, when you become a good storyteller. The very best advisors I know are also the very best storytellers I know.

If you can make someone understand a difficult subject, that person will like you in return and find you charismatic. A full 75 percent of the components that characterize charisma are verbal components. Great leaders are generally described as charismatic. Their words can move entire nations. They establish credibility and they stir up emotions. Great Advisors are also great leaders. They present their message in such a way that it motivates people to take action. The message has to be simple. People don’t buy what they don’t understand.

To invoke a cliché, this business is simple, but it is not easy. People don’t want to be wowed. They don’t even want additional information. They just want someone they can trust. They don’t care where you went to college or what firm you represent. People want to do business with the real you, not the professional you. If they like you, trust you and think you are smart, you get the account. Tell me what I am missing.

Don Connelly is a speaker, motivator and educator for financial advisors. If you want to ignite your performance, be sure to check http://www.donconnelly247.com/ learning center and follow Don Connelly & Associates on twitter - @DonConnelly.