Why your clients
are afraid of affluence.
Daniel Handler has made multimillions
of dollars as Lemony Snicket, the author of a series of children's
books that feature unfortunate events. As of 2006, he had sold
something like 50 million books, and with a royalty of over a dollar a
book, he is doing much better financially than the average author. In
fact, he has made so much money that he and his wife had to decide when
their young son Otto (two years old in 2006) would get a chunk of it.
Mr. and Mrs. Handler went into a lawyer's office and began discussing
when Otto should come into money. The first age the lawyer suggested
was 15, but the Handlers replied, "God, no!" The ages discussed grew
higher and higher until they were higher than the age of Mr. Handler,
who believes, "People of 33 should not be handling this sum of money.
That's absurd!"
-From Wise Up! by David Bruce, Athens News contributor
People say they want to be wealthy, but do they have
any reservations? People say if they had a little more than what they
have now they would be content, but would they? People say money cannot
buy the things that matter most, but do they really believe it? Suffice
it to say, people are conflicted on matters of money.
At times we all have a hard time reconciling our
beliefs and behaviors regarding our handling of money. We want wealth,
but down deep, many of us fear that having wealth will negatively
affect our attitudes and relationships. We have seen those who have
struggled to find contentment as their assets grew. We say that money
can't buy the things that bring true happiness, but down deep we
wonder. What we are facing is the paradox of plenty.
Did Money Make The Man?
Because people are sometimes conflicted on money
matters, their behaviors often fail to align with their intentions.
This situation ends up confusing their mates, their advisors and
themselves. In order to bring clarity to the financial life planning
process, it is important for the advisor to understand that these
conflicts are universal.
I once heard someone say that a paradox is truth
chasing its own tail-two opposing ideas framing a truth somewhere
between the tensions they create. In the pursuit and management of
wealth, many such paradoxes exist. To better connect with your clients
and empathize with their walk into and through the building of wealth,
you need to be able to relate to the emotional tensions they may be
experiencing.
A primary paradox your clients may be facing is,
"Will the achievement of wealth contribute to making me someone that I
won't like? Is there someone in me that prosperity will unleash?" A
study commissioned by the AARP entitled Money and the American Family,
revealed this paradox playing out within members of our society. When
asked what they would do with their money if they became millionaires
overnight, survey respondents stated that they would help family and
friends, save for their own future and donate to charity. But, in a
response that illustrates the duality of many Americans' views toward
the wealthy, respondents overwhelmingly stated that they believe that
wealth is likely to make people insensitive and greedy, and give them a
feeling of superiority over others.
If you read between the lines, what Americans are
saying is that although they want to become millionaires, they do not
want to be given the stigma of other wealthy people. This paradox
possibly is one of the reasons for the commercial success of books on
how ordinary people became wealthy. Maybe people want wealth with the
assurance that they can maintain their values and attitudes toward
others. They also want others to view them as unchanged.
Do people question the effect of plenty because of
what they have seen in others or is it because of what they have seen
in themselves at times? If people are afraid of feeling superior to
others, is it because they have felt the brunt of conceit, or because
they have at times felt superior toward those below their stations in
life? If they fear being less kind after they have money, is it because
an insensitive rich person bullied them or made them feel inferior, or
is it because they have, at times, been kind toward others only for the
purpose of getting something? If greed is perceived to be a problem
that comes with wealth, is it not also a problem now? Is greed not a
ubiquitous temptation at any income level?
Many if not most people have at some time or another
felt the bitter sting of condescension at the hands of a successful
individual who was dismissive or rude toward them. As badly as they
want the comfort that wealth brings, they loathe the idea of anyone
seeing in them the character they saw in the individual that looked
down upon them. Consequently, not every person has becoming wealthy as
a primary goal.
In fact, the AARP study revealed that one-third of
Americans say they do not want to be wealthy. This is especially true
with the mature crowd, in which roughly 60% said they do not desire to
be wealthy. Is this because they have experienced more of the
wealth-induced condescension in their lifetime? Or, is it possibly
because they have learned to be more content with less? Most likely,
it's a combination of both.
A Dialogue In Prosperity
Some advisors may draw the conclusion that the only
people who say they do not want to become wealthy are those who have no
chance of doing so. Certainly some people fit that
characterization--but not all people do. An advisor's job is to
optimize the clients' earning potential within their parameters of
risk. It is not so much the plenty that these individuals are
uncomfortable with as it is the characterization that goes along with
it. No rational person would turn away additional income because he or
she could always give it away. It may merely be a matter of you
choosing the description of prosperity that your clients are most
comfortable with, or even better, let them choose it for you.
No matter where clients place their goals, they have
indicated the definitions of prosperity that they are comfortable with,
and have offered you a springboard for developing a plan to meet their
goals. Some questions to get the conversation going may include:
How do you define prosperity in your life?
How much money is "enough? "
If you woke up one day and found out you were worth $100 million, what would your greatest fear be?
What would your greatest fear be regarding your children?
It has been said that money can bring out the best
and worst in people; what do you think is the best it can bring out in
you?
No matter where your clients place their goals, they
have their own definition of prosperity, and have offered you a
springboard for developing a plan to meet their goals. Each answer
leads to a question of, "How much will it take to get you to this
place?" If a client is conflicted about having too much, he or she is
best working out that conflict in a counselor's office, not yours. Your
efforts simply need to assume a context and description of prosperity
that will connect you with the client. If you are on the same page, you
will have a better chance of helping them complete their entire
financial picture and maintaining them as a client for life.
©2007 Mitch Anthony. All Rights
Reserved. Mitch is the president of the Financial Life Planning
Institute and Advisor Insights Inc. He is an industry leader in
training advisors on building life-centered relationships. His numerous
books include The New Retirementality and Your Clients for Life. He can
be reached at [email protected].