Be fully present. I have been in client meetings where I found myself watching myself. I was more concerned about how I was being perceived than how the client was experiencing the moment. When you are fully present with a client, you are listening completely to what they are saying and allowing things to flow naturally rather than worrying about what your response will be.
Ask more, tell less. One of our retired clients feels left out of the real estate rush in Jackson Hole. His realtor found a piece of land and he wanted to work with me on the best way to buy it. I asked the client why he was buying. As an investment? To build? For speculation? FOMO? He couldn’t really give me a good answer, so we explored his discomfort. Ultimately, his desire was about the fact that he’d sold his business a few years ago and felt restless about not having enough going on in his life. As we talked through this, he began to see some of the things he was doing to avoid those feelings. What he does with this is ultimately his choice, but the initial conversation creates permission to have new ones.
Focus on the things you can control. I have a rock sitting in front of me with the Serenity Prayer on it: “God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” This was written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, but the philosopher Epictetus, a Greek Stoic, expressed similar thoughts centuries before. We actually have very little control beyond our thoughts and responses to the events in our lives. We are going to get old. We are going to lose relationships. Focusing on the things over which we have some control is far more rewarding than being frustrated by the things that seem to happen to us.
Want what you have. This doesn’t mean you can’t set goals for yourself. It simply means that you should regularly appreciate what you already have. Since nothing lasts forever, we should also accept that we may someday lose it. This negative visualization makes us appreciate things more because we know how fragile life is.
Develop a practice. The time I spend at the beginning of the day in spiritual reading, journaling and meditation doesn’t mean I never get misaligned. It only means that within 24 hours I will be reflecting on it again. It is hard to have a contemplative practice if you don’t contemplate!
Rather than nail your elevator speech, maybe you want to ask yourself what you are living for and what is keeping you from living fully.
Ross Levin is the chief executive officer and founder of Accredited Investors Wealth Management in Edina, Minn.