I start my days with a routine, which includes readings from a spiritual book. It’s led me to discover a variety of perspectives from all the world’s religions as well as many transcendent philosophers. One of the most important things I realized doing this is that I don’t need to agree with what I am reading to learn something from it or integrate aspects of it into my own life. If I stay curious, I stay open. In Buddhism, this can be referred to as having a “beginner’s mind,” whereby we set aside what we “know” in order to explore concepts that may not fit our preconceived notions.
Like many of you, I believe our purpose as planners is to help our clients obtain the life they want, but also help them understand why they want it. One of my favorite writers, Thomas Merton, said, “If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail; ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.”
While we might be having this conversation with clients, how many of us are having it with ourselves? Merton was a contemplative who thought hard about how to make his actions and values congruous and who spent a lot of time alone clarifying his purpose. I would suggest most of us spend more time establishing our business goals than we do answering the questions about why they matter.
I would like to make a case for contemplative wealth management—financial planning that first tries to understand our personal motivations as we learn to talk about the most important things with clients. It may seem unnecessary to give this act a name (especially if you think you’re already doing it), but names give us structure. And each of us will have to decide how deep we want to go (some of us won’t want to go that deep at all).
But if you want to, here are some steps you can take to incorporate the concept in your practice.
Ask yourself what people are thinking. We may avoid asking questions that we think will make the client uncomfortable as a way of protecting the client, but I suspect that we are often trying to protect ourselves from our own discomfort.
One of our younger clients has cancer and does not expect to live much longer. During a recent meeting, I asked her how she wanted people to talk about her condition and what interactions were most difficult for her. She wished people would mention it to her, since it seems odd when people say nothing. She also gets uncomfortable when people try to present hope for her rather than settle into the reality that she has confronted about dying. But not everyone with cancer would want the same approach. Sometimes you need permission to ask.
Another client was dealing with her mother’s assets through her power of attorney and was investing a lot of money into the properties that the family owns but not all the heirs use. I asked her whether she was prepared for her siblings to sue her if they weren’t comfortable with the decisions she made. I was uncomfortable asking the question, but when I did, it led to a conversation about how she would handle it if it happened. Asking people what they are thinking will lead to fewer client relationship regrets.
When you think of someone, act on it. How many times have you thought of contacting someone and got too busy to do it and then they miraculously called you? You seem like a liar when you say, “I was just thinking about you.” When someone pops into my head for whatever reason, I have started reaching out. I might not know why they popped into my head, but since they did, I need to act on it.
Close the loop. If you are not your best self to a colleague, apologize. If you have unfinished business with a client, finish it. Our business has enough loose ends on its own without us creating more ourselves.
Have happy endings. When a client decides to leave your firm, make the goodbye the best it can be. Impermanence is a part of all our lives, so expecting clients to stay forever is unrealistic. I recently lost someone who had been with me a long time. Their company went public, and they were courted by the firm that did the IPO. I didn’t agree with any of the reasons the client gave for leaving, but we organized a call with the new advisor to make sure that there were no loose ends in the transition and that we understood who was responsible for what, since the situation was very complicated. The call went well, the client appreciated our involvement, and the new advisor indicated he had never experienced this before. While I was disappointed to lose someone, I felt good that our last act was one of service rather than spite.