In either case, this is a tough one to handle. No one likes being stuck in a situation or forced to do something—especially when you are near retirement age and see family and friends doing the things you wish you could do.
So what advice can advisors provide to help clients? Encourage them to start small and focus on themselves. We all know you can’t change other people, but they can improve their own life. It’s very likely that such clients may not have a ton of time or energy, or feel like they deserve something better or different, but they do. Assure them that they got here, one decision, one situation at a time and that’s the same way to make positive changes. Reiterate that every great retirement journey begins with a single step and for them to commit to doing something positive for themselves today.
Cut In Half
Another well-known magic trick is the old “Saw a person in half,” routine. A magician places their beautiful assistant on a table and proceeds to cut them in half. Tragically, this idea of being torn in two is how some clients actually feel. Things may look good on the outside because they appear to have it all. A nice home, great career, fancy car, take exotic vacations, and even have a small horse farm, high-end sail boat or some other toy just to top it off. But deep down, they’re not happy and are struggling with almost everything on the inside.
The problem is, they are sick of holding it together and after years of looking and acting a certain way, they just “want to be normal.” They don’t want the competition, the headaches, the next goal, the bigger or better something, they want simple things—love, time and to be accepted for who they are and want to be.
On the surface, it can be hard to feel bad for these people—I mean they have it all. And we’re trained to think that money can fix things or make things better. But it can’t, and these people have learned it firsthand. Frankly, it stings to learn things the hard way, no matter what the lesson is.
For clients in this situation, encourage them to jump ship for a day by serving others. Suggest they change their environment to one where there are no expectations and it’s not about them. Then, counsel them to assess how they felt throughout the day and to seek other opportunities until they find an outlet that can help them manifest the change.
Coin Behind Your Ear
Growing up, many people had a parent, uncle or family friend who could make a coin disappear, only to have it magically reappear from behind your ear. It was an amazing feat until you turned 6 or 7 and figured it out. From that point on, the trick lost its luster, despite the payday for cooperating with the gimmick. The reality is, the trick was old and you knew it wasn’t magic. Retirement can work this way as well. Clients can feel out of date and like they lost something that used to connect them to others. This feeling can range from how they carry themselves, dress, talk or even think. The kicker is when clients lose the motivation to do something about it. Occasionally they may want a spark back in their life, but they never seem to be able to get over the hump, to get back out there and see and do new things.
In essence, they’ve become average, maybe even a little below average. They don’t have anything they’re really known for and haven’t had much of an impact on anyone or anything recently. At times, they long to be a part of something bigger, to help someone in some special way that they will always remember. However, with retirement on the horizon or already begun, they wonder if it’s too late, or not worth the extra effort.