In time, Mom also removed him as a co-trustee for their living trust. The trust document simply required a letter from two doctors to remove him as trustee. This kept him from being able to access the brokerage accounts, write checks or do any online banking. No court hearings, legal fuss or costs were necessary.
The non-financial documents worked well too. When my sister arrived at the hospice wing, she had an instantaneous and negative reaction to the news he was not being fed. Mind you, she knew he was not expected to live more than a few days and that there was no hope of recovery but she took the lack of nourishment as a cruel thing to do to Dad.
His living will was a huge help to her and the rest of us with respect to this matter. The document read, “…if I have a terminal condition; or I have an end-stage condition; or I am in a persistent vegetative state; and if my attending physician and another consulting physician have determined that there is no reasonable medical probability of my recovery from such condition, I direct that life prolonging procedures be withheld or withdrawn when the application of such procedures would serve only to prolong artificially the process of dying, and that I be permitted to die naturally with only the administration of medication or the performance of any medical procedure deemed necessary to provide me with comfort care or alleviate pain.”
The definitions of terms in the document were equally clear. In addition, was this sentence, “It is my intention that this declaration be honored by my family and physician as the final expression of my legal right to refuse medical or surgical treatment and to accept the consequences for such refusal.”
The document quickly turned my sister’s thinking from what was being “done to Dad” to “what did Dad want?” The statement of his intent and request for his family to honor his wishes transformed the whole matter into one that brought peace to my sister and all the rest of us.
That all probably sounds like many cases readers of this column have read about, talked about or observed over the years. The reality of how it all went down, however, isn’t nearly as tidy as the last few hundred words described it.
Those banking changes happened over time and at each stage, Mom had the same argument with the bank. They had been customers for 30 years. The personnel at the branch knew them and knew early on of Dad’s diagnosis. They were very nice but they also did not have the authority to accept the POA. Each attempted use of that document was met with an approval process that took far too long.
Now, I understand that institutions should not blindly accept the validity of such documents but the red tape was too much. The bank rightly was looking after Dad’s rights but they were also letting their CYA processes leave Mom vulnerable. Other institutions were easier to deal with. The POA is an important document but its usability will vary from place to place and clients need to be prepared for this.
I was not happy with some of the doctors we dealt with. They were all fine practitioners but they were also hesitant to put in writing that Dad should not drive or manage his finances. In Florida, you can tell the DMV about an incompetent driver and the DMV will look into it. One doctor said he would write the letter to the DMV. After two weeks, we learned from the umpteenth follow up call that the office manager had given up asking the doctor to sign it.
When we finally got ahold of him, he said upon reflection he couldn’t write the letter because he had not observed Dad driving. Fair enough but if that’s the case, tell us upfront so we don’t have to keep asking for a letter that is not coming.