Transitions are always hard. It really doesn’t matter if it is a good or a bad transition—changes are difficult. Transitions start with an ending, have an indeterminable middle, and only then a new beginning. Regardless of what we are leaving, endings are rarely easy. We have developed rituals or habits that will need to change. We become habituated or comfortable with where we are. We enter an unknown. While endings are difficult, the middles are often worse. This is where we have either made or been forced into a decision and we are trying to sort out how this new world agrees with our old one. As we work through what we are giving up and what we are getting, we are at least momentarily grieving for what is behind us and nervous about what is ahead. And many times, especially when we are forced out of something—a marriage, a job, a home—we are not looking forward to what’s next as we try to understand the now.

Acceptance of aging is difficult. While we gain wisdom as we age, we also come to grips with loss. People in our lives pass away, we are no longer able to physically do what we did before, our children are less reliant on us, and replacing meaningful work is challenging. As we continue to age, rites of passage go from buying our first home to leaving our last, from getting our driver’s licenses to giving them up, and from having a whole life ahead of us to more that is left behind us. Our 50s and 60s may mean the death of our mentors, but the 70s and 80s inevitably mean the death of our closest friends and loved ones. While fighting it is not possible, acceptance is uneasy.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. It is hard to imagine what things like community living can be when you have been able to call your own shots. While you may cook in your new facility, many of your peers may be on meal plans. In fact, one of the biggest issues with the elderly is that they don’t eat; meal plans often are an antidote for this because if residents pay for it, they gosh darn better use it.

A mistake seems severe. There is not a guarantee that the place you choose will be one in which you are going to be comfortable, but unless there are safety issues, that is more your own issue than that of the facility. I have had two different clients in the same place, one who is looking for what is right about it and the other looking for what is wrong. Guess who is happier there.

There are also reasons this stage of life can be wonderful:

You don’t have to worry about all the extras that homeownership involves. Picking up the phone is generally easier than picking up the screwdriver. While some people may miss the work involved in home upkeep, some of those skills could be used in helping others or volunteering. A parent of one of our clients is in his 80s and making cabinets for friends. While he doesn’t live independently, he replaced his tinkering around with his craftsmanship. If his customers are willing to be patient, very patient, they will end up with high quality work from someone who is grateful to be doing it.

You don’t have to be lonely. Rest assured, any communal living involves a lot of different types of people, but if you work at it, you are likely to find some with whom you can form friendships. Since this is a stage of life where we are often losing friends, being able to develop new ones reduces our loneliness and relieves the pressure that our children may feel to occupy us. And it can be therapeutic to walk with others experiencing life’s stages as you are.

You don’t have to worry if something happens. Caretakers are on call, ready to assist should you fall or have a health issue. Especially when you’re living alone, having a more reliable source of help is a tremendous benefit. The first woman in our story had an agreement with the woman across the hall that each would text the other every morning to confirm she was safe.

Less is often more. Rather than focusing on what you no longer have, enjoying less can be therapeutic. Simplicity can be underrated.

In our firm, we have someone responsible for visiting and monitoring facilities so that when clients are trying to understand their options we can help increase the likelihood of fit. Working with clients through this has been one of the most challenging and rewarding aspects of my career.