I definitely didn’t see it coming. I was going through my normal routine with a new prospect when we began to talk about her net worth, including her home.
She confessed, “I live in a beautiful house, in a gated community where all the lots are at least one acre. When I had the house built, I did it with all the best finishes and to my exact specifications. It’s perfect in every way except that I realize now, that I don’t know any of my neighbors and I hardly ever see them. They are too far away and everyone is so busy or in a rush, that it’s become a sad and lonely place for me to live…I feel like I am all alone.”
We all know that money can’t buy happiness but when a client pours out their heart like that, you can actually feel it. Seriously, how would you respond to a new prospect or client saying that? Even more importantly, how would you get them to share information like that with you?
Situations like this come up in my office a lot, primarily because my background before getting into financial services was in social work. I was trained to ask good questions, to interpret body language, and help people think more clearly about the situations they were in.
But that’s not the normal training ground for financial professionals which is why I continue to see one of the biggest issues we face as an industry is our ability to turn normal financial conversations into deeper, more meaningful interactions. My client didn’t admit to her loneliness by luck or out of the blue. She did so because I wanted to know more than the value of her home. I asked about her neighborhood, what it was like to live there, and if she had nice neighbors.
This is an important revelation for advisors because retirement usually comes with a lot of curb appeal. It looks good from the outside where the landscape and lawn appear well manicured, the furniture on the front porch is colorful and inviting, and the hearts carved on the shutters evoke signs of a happy home.
Even when someone walks through the door, they may find a warm and welcoming environment…neat and tidy with things in place and a sense that things couldn’t be any better.
However, the outside and main floor often represent the public places that clients allow us to see. It’s their outward appearance that comes with front porch conversations that everything is great, when other thoughts and feelings may be going on.
The truth is, we all have rooms that people aren’t allowed to go in. The door is always closed, no one has been allowed in this room for a long-time. It’s off limits or left dark and dim in the corner of the basement.
Homes and rooms create an image of our clients. It’s who they are and many times they go to great lengths not to tarnish that image. So, they keep things on the outside looking pretty and don’t always invite us all the way in. This is primarily because we keep our questions and observations superficial and focused exclusively on the financial aspects. As a result, a financial plan can look good on paper, but can also fall short of helping clean up or deal with those hidden rooms that can impact their transition more than money ever could.