When you cram hundreds of passengers into a carbon fiber tube and shoot it across the sky, things are bound to go wrong. And no matter how dire the state of air travel seems—whether it's the disturbing video caught on a United Airlines flight or Delta's long delays last week—you, the passenger, are privy to only one side of the story.
So when Norwegian offered me the opportunity to become a flight attendant last month, I decided to find out what it’s really like to fly the not-so-friendly skies. Here’s everything I learned while serving as a crew member aboard their 787-8 Dreamliner long-haul service from London (LGW) to New York (JFK).*
You Are Not the Most Important Passenger on the Plane
This may seem obvious given the recent airline news, but yes, flight attendants get free travel perks. And sometimes crew members are paid to fly on repositioning flights that get them to their next shift. They’re called “deadheads,” and they’re the most important passengers in terms of getting a seat on the plane, which is what led to the doctor in Chicago being forcibly removed from his United seat to accommodate one.
How To Speak the Language
“Deadheads” is just the beginning. Did you know flight attendants play ping-pong on every flight? That’s what they call beverage service, thanks to the paddle-shaped trays they extend to fill your cup with coffee and tea (to avoid spillage of hot fluids). They also sleep in “crashpads”—shared apartments—when they’re off duty, which are often in “Crew Gardens” (that’s Kew Gardens—a neighborhood near NYC’s JFK airport—to most people). And live out of “Berthas,” or company-issued suitcases.
What they surprisingly don’t have a code name for: belligerent customers. But they will refer to problem passengers in “aviation alphabet,” i.e. “21 Golf” for the person sitting in 21G.
The Off-Menu Option
Flight attendants and pilots never get stuck with the same food you’re eating. They get a completely different set of menu items from the passengers, reducing the risk of food poisoning across the entire airplane. But don’t be jealous. My fellow crew members ate cold platters of sandwiches and chocolate bars. And the customers got surprisingly well-prepared dishes, made in real ovens rather than in microwaves.
The Best and Worst Travelers, by Country
According to Ilse, another Norwegian crew member, “We all agree that Scandinavians are the best passengers you could ever ask for: So content with being on board, and they don’t ask for much. Passengers traveling from the U.K. and U.S., however, are much more demanding, constantly ringing the bell. They tend to cause a scene and love threatening to sue.”
The Easiest Way to Get Arrested on a Plane
It’s considered a federal offense to open and imbibe your own liquor on a plane, as the captains on Norwegian will tell you at the start of any flight. So put away the duty-free booze—or anything that’s not served by a crew member: Individual consumption can easily lead to handcuffs when you disembark. (And the crew will be onto you if you order nothing but a glass of ice.)